Wednesday, April 25, 2007

30 Things I Learned Watching Smallville


I wrote these up as they occurred to me watching SMALLVILLE
EDIT! I added 10 more:

1. Lying to your best friends is more noble than just trusting them with the truth.

2. Evil rich people like classical music.

3. Sixteen year old kids can run coffeeshops as a small business while attending high school.

4. Science labs and newsrooms have fantastic ambient lighting.

5. Evil rich people like to hammer a point with a historical metaphor.

6. Never use a simple phrase when a pop-culture metaphor can be used. Bonus points if you can utilize the word "pulled." "He pulled a Harry Houdini" vs. "He disappeared."

7. People often use computer passwords that are not only sentimental, but easily guessable.

8. Kids in high school and college have an uncanny knowledge of 1970s and 1980s pop culture. [Or, you know, their writers do.]

9. A lot of street thugs wear skull caps and brand-new leather jackets.

10. Teenagers have favorite classical authors and poets.

11. Male best friends talk an awful lot about their feelings for each other.

12. Police officers like toothpicks.

13. Major metropolitan newspapers allow teenagers to write headlines and articles.

14. If you have an incriminating object in your possession, you should regularly take it out of hiding and stare at it.

15. You can download architectual schematics of any building right off the internet, regardless of the year it was built.

16. Ancient alien technology is Mac/PC compatible.

17. If you are concealing a secret, dart your eyes wildly.

18. People who live in mansions have super-high-tech security, but tend to leave their front doors wide open.

19. When you see a farm from a distance, you will hear a cow moo. It reinforces you are looking at a farm.

20. Millionaires in huge mansions prefer to spend all their time in a single room.

21. Friends with money will always fly in the "best doctors" and "best lawyers" in the world - at a moment's notice - to help another friend in need.

22. High School and college students can afford a brand new car at least 3 times a school year.

23. It's surprisingly easy to sneak into restricted government and civic areas. Also, Crime scenes with police tape are unspoken invitations to disrupt evidence.

24. Small towns are surprisingly unalarmed by a high volume of mysterious deaths.

25. Life DOES have a reset button! If you find yourself in an impossible situation: find a cave with alien scrawls, wait for the flashing lights, and everything will be made right again. Repeat as necessary.

26. Saving a girl's life countless times will not gain you any "trust points."


27. Listening to doctors is highly optional. People like to leave hospitals without doctor's consent, and often enter rooms when they are told they are restricted.

28. Head trauma is not nearly as serious as I believed it to be.

29. Farming largely consists of moving bales of hay from one side of the barn to the other side of the barn.

30. Never trust Lana Lang to do anything important. It never ends well.

17 Comments:

  • At 11:13 AM, Blogger Angel with a crooked halo said…

    HAHAHAHAHA too true! I have tried so very hard to enjoy Smallville- to no avail. I recently watched an episode because Lynda Carter was guesting. She was fun- but the show really is hard to swallow!

    Sidenote- LOVE your site and have for a long time- have a link in my blog as well- not that I have much traffic hehehe!

     
  • At 8:50 PM, Blogger Dixon said…

    This list is brilliant... and hilarious! I just knew there was some credibility issue or other that was keeping me from embracing this series!

    I'll echo the comments of the angel with the crooked halo, too. I enjoy Titans Tower very much and visit often. Keep up the good work!

     
  • At 10:58 PM, Blogger Unknown said…

    HA HA HA! Great listing! Though you forgot one:

    "If you're going to grow up to be Superman, always be sure to wear only red and blue. Never wear any other colors, unless you lost your powers for an episode or turn evil. Then you wear black."

    Taken with a grain of salt, certain seasons of Smallville are good enough compared to the rest of the crap on TV. If a joke is funny, I'll laugh. I don't need a friggin laugh track to tell me when to laugh. And nor do I wish to watch a series that is a constant downer. I've got enough crap in my life to bring me down. I watch TV to get a way from problems.

     
  • At 4:28 PM, Blogger Tony said…

    LOL I love it!

    Also, "ALWAYS refer to the fact that you KNOW someone is keeping a secret from you, and you KNOW this, but refuse to just come out and ask."

    case in point: "Clark, you KNOW I like pie, but I have never kept it a secret. Unlike YOU!"

     
  • At 4:41 PM, Blogger Mr Saturday Morning said…

    Thanks for the kind words about titanstower.com -- and this list! I had fun writing it:)

     
  • At 11:37 PM, Blogger D-Man said…

    Hilarious!

     
  • At 12:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Great list.
    Funny as heck.
    Love#29....Moving hays from one side of the barn to another...
    clasic.
    What happen to milking a cow and feeding the chickens.
    Love the Titans Tower.
    I log on everyday. Keep up the good work.
    uss_titans

     
  • At 2:55 PM, Blogger RevRobMayhem said…

    also don't forget that girls that live in or move to smalville are some of the hottest girls around.

     
  • At 3:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    30. Never trust Lana Lang to do anything important. It never ends well.

    ROFL! Marry me? Ü

     
  • At 4:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

     
  • At 7:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You are SO funny! I watched the same episode, and when I saw yours comments, I started laughing!!

     
  • At 9:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It's funny, cause it's true!

     
  • At 4:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Don't forget this one:

    "Small rural towns in Kansas receive so little funding from George W. Bush that every patient admitted to their one and only medical center is forced to use only one room, ex., Room 258 at Smallville Medical Center" (Check the number on the room door on all "hospital" episodes)

     
  • At 4:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Please have my babies. :P

    Like everyone's mentioned earlier, this list is brilliant. In an era where superheroes are trendy again (i.e., "Heroes", the "Spider-Man" movie trilogy), "Smallville" features *the* iconic superhero and you can barely recognize him because he's so wishy-washy and obsessive (Lana Lang much?) and reduced to even more of a cliche. The only redeeming thing about that show is Lois and she appears in like only four eps per season.

    Keep up the great work with Titans Tower! (Fellow Nightwing fan here. :)

     
  • At 6:22 PM, Blogger Justin said…

    I loved reading these because they are soooo true, especially #30, and the bit about head trauma. My partner and I always refer to Chloe's computer, as "Chloe's Magic Internet" cuz she can look up ANYTHING on it!

     
  • At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You should add this one too
    "Whenever someone says (without sarcasm) 'I've never been better' or something very close, something very bad has just happened."

     
  • At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Forgot about this too, this really doesn't belong on the list cuz its a question but does anyone else notice all the Dark Angel and GC161 (from Secret Adventures of Alex Mack) references
    i dare you to watch the series from beginning to end while hearing for the number 452 not showing up multiple times (452 is what Max's shortened Manticore number from Dark Angel)

     

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